to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
