Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
