bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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