Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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