there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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