i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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