Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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