I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
