mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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