People in love make me want to vomit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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