OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
