I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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