the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
