we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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