I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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