So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
