i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
