That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
