I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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