dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
