Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
