idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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