why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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