i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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