so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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