When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize