i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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