I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
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