i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
