and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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