i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wear drunk well.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Come on in and take your pants off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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