This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
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I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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