never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
