why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
