I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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