How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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