Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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