Your tits are I can't wait for
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
