i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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