I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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