Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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