Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
