paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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