Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
