mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
