He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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