there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
