also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
