We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
