i permit you to call me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
