you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
