I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
