hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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