She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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