i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
