I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
