I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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