I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
