Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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