Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
