i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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