Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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