WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
