i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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