Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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