I wish I could teleport
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
