im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
