I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
