When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
